FLAKY HARDWARE SUPERSTITIONS: THE LIST

This is in no way a comprehensive list of flaky hardware superstitions. It's a start. Future features will include: What do you do with your flaky hardware? and Does it work or not?
-the Pedro Picasso

In order to get flaky hardware to work, one might:

1. Jiggle the wires.
2. Blow on it.
3. Talk to it.
4. Pat it on the (head).
5. Hit it (hitting a tv).
6. Yell at the hardware GREMLIN.
7. Reboot.
8. Flash bios.
9. Wipe the CD.
10. Blow on the CD.
11. Apply rubbing alcohol.
12. Take the cover off.
13. Never open the cover.
14. Never close the cover.
15. Dis-embowl your hardware.
16. Yell and swear.
17. Throw the hardware.
18. Remove batteries only to put them back in.
19. Reverse batteries.
20. Replace brand new batteries.
21. Remove a button cover.
22. Swap hardware between two machines that don't work.
23. Reinstall OS.
24. Installing different OS.
25. Upgrading OS.
26. Reinstall DirectX.
27. Defend hardware against friends and family.
28. Connect to unrelated or unnecessary hardware.
29. Attach tin foil.
30. Change physical position.
31. Hold the hardware.
32. Holding with both hands.
33. Move constantly around room.
34. Attach stuffed animal.
35. Move appendages in complex "tv reception dance".
36. Continuous power-cycling.
37. Intentionally break hardware.
38. Intentionally break unrelated hardware as an attempt to fix hardware.
39. Wrap antenna around picture of loved one.
40. Wrap antenna around metallic object.
41. Slam hood or casing.
42. Use hardware to electrically shock friends.
43. Turn hardware upside down.
44. Remove drink-cup from cd tray.
45. Unplugging and replugging.
46. Swap hardware casing.
47. Swap cabling.
48. Pound on floor near hardware.
49. Tip-toe around hardware.
50. Draw symbols and placing stickers on hardware.
51. Remove symbols or stickers from hardware.
52. Sharpen hardware.
53. Press random buttons.
54. Press buttons in specific order.
55. Have hardware perform unrelated tasks.
56. Have hardware perform unrelated tasks in specific tasks in specific order.
57. Turn volume up.
58. Turn volume down.
59. Praise hardware.
60. Insult hardware.
61. Force moving parts.
62. Force non-moving parts.
63. Ping Yahoo.
64. Ping Slashdot
65. Ping other flaky hardware (see Yahoo and Slashdot)
66. Jiggle the handle.
67. Throw beer bottles.
68. Tell dog to "Sick it".
69. Lay hands on the hardware.
70. Tell stories to the hardware.
71. Tell bawdy jokes to the hardware.
72. Call tech support (rarely helps).
73. Invoke the aid of a patron saint.
74. Invoke the aid of a god.
75. Ask sysadmin for help (see invoking the aid of a god).